by Kyle Beard on Sunday, October 20th, 2019
First dates are all about first impressions. It is important to be careful about what you talk about with your date to avoid scaring him or her off. By trying not to get too personal or confrontational with your date, you two will be able to have fun and develop trust to be able to open up to each other later on.
Asking questions about your date’s parents or friends will make you come off as nosy. You cannot always guarantee that the people in your date’s life are those they want around or are happy with. For things that are not your business to know, let your date be the one to decide whether or not to tell you. Or if you feel like you really want to know about them, ask them first if they mind sharing this information. If they do not, do not treat it like a personal attack for not trusting you right away. It is the first date which means that you two do not know each other very well. It is best to ease into these conversations to avoid anyone being uncomfortable and let the emotional attraction happen naturally.
You may want to know why your date is still single. You can be curious all you want, but it does not mean that everything needs to be revealed on the first date. You probably want to know about your date’s exes so that you can avoid potential red flags, but asking them can feel like an interrogation. Your date can end up lying to you about what happened between them and their ex to avoid scaring you away. Also, it is important to think about what is happening now instead of the past. The flaws that your date brought in their last relationship they may have learned from now. Your date may be being the best for you compared to other people they have gone out with.
Politics can be very personal if you disagree. Not everyone is able to talk about what president they like or what issues they stand for without getting emotional about it. Talking about politics will be a quick way to ruin your date and get them angry at you. It is important to talk about positive topics on your date instead of ones that infuriate you. Even if the two of you have the same politics, talking about these topics can still make you two angry when speaking about the change you want to see that is not there or if a politician is still in office that you do not agree with.
It can be possible that you do not agree with what your date does for a living. They could be working a job where they make minimum wage or lower, they could be working a job that is not in their field, or working a job that does not require any critical thinking. You may have your own idea of what a good job is based on skill or how much money you make. Once your date tells you what they do for a living, avoid the judgment. You do not know why your date does the job that they do and they may not plan on doing that job forever. It is important to keep an open mind about what your date does for a living as judging them is very personal and will scare them off.
It is best not to make a judgment about what your date wears. You may have had a different idea of what you imagined your date to look like if it was a blind date or if they dress differently in person than they do in their picture. It could be that you think they dress too outrageous, conservative, too skinny, too overweight, or do not look clean. Everyone has their own idea of what look works for them. How they look should not reflect who they are as a person. It is still important to be kind to them. If you cannot find anything nice to say about the way they look, do not say anything at all.
Lastly, do not spend the whole date talking about where you already see this relationship going. You two have just met and are in the process of getting to know each other. Do not give your date the impression that you already see this relationship heading down a serious path. It will lead your date to get scared of you if you already have high hopes for this date. If your date has put on their dating profile that they are looking for something serious like you are, there is no reason to ask. You should also not have high expectations for this date just like when you have a new job and have no idea how long you will be there. By letting your first date take its natural course, you can both save all of the deep, personal information about the two of you later in the future.
Located in Centennial, Colorado, Restoration Therapy works with patients who are struggling with addiction, intimacy disorders, and trauma who are seeking treatment. In order to offer patients a more holistic view on healthy sexuality, Restoration Therapy offers individualized and group therapy, workshops, psycho-educational classes, and more to restore the harm brought on by addiction and intimacy issues. For more information, please call us at (720) 446-6585 as we are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.