by Restorations Therapy Center on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019
There is a very big difference between infatuation and being in love. Infatuation is when you first see someone that you are attracted to and immediately feel there is a connection based on that whereas love is knowing the good and bad of someone and still loving them all the same. By knowing the difference between being infatuated with someone and loving them, you will know if you are with the right person.
Being infatuated with someone requires no thinking. You do not know anything about the person that you are attracted to. This is a very quick attraction that feels like it hits you over the head. As soon as you see this person, you are already fantasizing about your future together without knowing anything about them. You already believe that things are going to work out for the both of you based on appearances only. Infatuation is automatically filling in the blanks for that person and hoping that things will work out the way you want.
Being infatuated is an instant crush on someone that you see for the first time. Love, on the other hand, can take more time to get to that stage. Everyone is different in how long it takes to fall in love. Love requires meeting someone for the first time and not knowing what to expect. It may take a few dates to realize that you are in love. Love is seeing into the person’s humanity like where their strengths and weaknesses lie. You love them on a good day and you like them on a bad day.
When you first look at your love interest, you already believe they are perfect without knowing them. You think that because they look attractive, it means their personality will be the same way. In our minds, they must always look beautiful, be strong, agreeable, courageous, and exhibit no blemishes. In reality, people have a lot of sides and you cannot choose which ones you would prefer to make an appearance. If we see any imperfections in our partner, it will destroy the illusion we placed on our partners that made us happy. The reality of a true partner is seeing all of their imperfections and loving them anyway.
Love is all about being comfortable in revealing your true self. We feel comfortable in exposing memories that may be embarrassing or hard to talk about. We also reveal our true selves in the way we look. Our partner has seen how we look without makeup or with our bed hair when we wake up. It is the same as we get older as we are not going to look the same as when we met our significant other. We will either lose our hair or it will go grey, we will gain weight, get wrinkles, loose joints, etc. If someone really loved you, they would not care how you look because they love you too much. You will always be beautiful to that person.
While infatuation makes us only see the good in our partner, it also means giving our partner’s a perfect image of ourselves. We want the illusion that we created to stick. This can mean only telling our partners the good thing about our day or going to extremes to look perfect all the time like wearing too much makeup to hide blemishes or even plastic surgery. We are giving our partners a superficial self in fear that they will leave us and our illusion will be shattered. The love you two have for each other will mean more than any flaws you exhibit. Love means that your partner knows that you are not perfect and can accept that.
Love means that what you feel for each other will never go away no matter where you are. Your partner may have to go on a business trip that can take months, but breaking up is not an option for you guys. Love does not have an expiration date in that you both want forever with each other. Infatuation, on the other hand, is just a fleeting moment. You may feel intensely about that person, but you cannot imagine being with that person for the rest of your life.
People who are infatuated may think that they are in love with their love interest because of how much they care for them. You may feel like you need to call that person to check up on them or even follow them. They could be out with their friends, but you make your partner feel guilty for not being with you. This can be very tiring for you to be on constant alert with your partner and not trusting them. This type of “love” is really an obsession. Love means being willing to let that person go to have time alone. Love also means that you are calmer and can feel the love you have for that person uplift you since you feel secure in your relationship. Being in love is having the confidence to know that the person you see when you wake up in the morning is the one that you want to be with for the rest of your life.
Located in Centennial, Colorado, Restoration Therapy works with patients who are struggling with addiction, intimacy disorders, and trauma who are seeking treatment. In order to offer patients a more holistic view on healthy sexuality, Restoration Therapy offers individualized and group therapy, workshops, psycho-educational classes, and more to restore the harm brought on by addiction and intimacy issues. For more information, please call us at (720) 446-6585 as we are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.