by Restorations Therapy Center on Thursday, July 25th, 2019
Rejection may seem like the worst thing in the world when it happens. Not only are you disappointed with your date that things did not work out, but are disappointed in yourself. By thinking about the perks of being rejected, you will not feel as hard on yourself if you face it again.
Do not feel like because your date decided not to keep in touch with you again that it means there is something wrong with you. Sometimes, one person in a relationship does not feel any chemistry with the other. You could have done everything right on your date and things still did not work out. This is not the time for you to hate yourself, but to remember all of your best qualities. Qualities that you have that may be a rarity to others. If it helps you, write these qualities down in a list and look over them every time that you have a bad date.
Just because you have a bad date does not give you an excuse to not take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself will help improve your physical and mental health. This means making sure that you sleep seven to eight hours, finding time to have fun and relax, exercising for half an hour to an hour, finishing projects that you started, etc. Remember that people like those who care about themselves. By making sure that you are clean and in control of your body, your future dates will find that to be a nice quality in a human being.
It is possible that you have given up romance because online dating sites are not working for you. This is the time that you can be creative and think of new ways to meet people. It can be taking part in a volunteer project like a beach clean-up or a car wash to raise money. You can also take a class in something that you have always been curious about or go on Meetup.com to find other clubs in your area to join. Do not put any pressure on yourself to find the love of your life at these meetings, but know that you will still get something out of it as you can still enjoy the activity you take part in.
As hard as it may be for you, think of where you could have gone wrong socially on your date. Maybe you were not able to find anything to talk about, not speaking coherently, not listening, fidgeting, etc. This can be a good opportunity to practice listening, taking part in conversations, asking questions, and making noises to verify to your date that you are listening. Think about whether you are sharing too much, not sharing enough, or finding a balance. If you do not agree with your date about something, find a polite way to disagree without it turning into a fight. Be open to the possibility that every conversation you have with your date has the potential to be an inspirational or healing power to them.
You may think that there is no bright side to a rejection. While rejections can hurt and disappoint you, there is always a silver lining. Through practices like cognitive behavioral therapy, you can change your negative thoughts around. Instead of taking your rejection personal, think of other reasons why the rejection may have occurred that have nothing to do with you. Think of examples of how this is not personal such as maybe your date is not ready for a relationship or is still hung over their ex.
It may seem like this is the end of your romantic journey to finding your true love. It is important to remember that endings tend to lead to good beginnings. Think back to all of the times that something has not worked out for you that led to something better later like when one job turns you down because another company will say yes to you. The same can be true to bad dates where it did not work out well with that particular person in that you need to know what a bad date is to have a good date.
You may think of how important it is to prove a point that all of your dates so far have not worked out because there is a particular quality about you that is turning more dates off. Instead of justifying your behavior, try to make a change. For example, maybe dates felt turn off by your outward appearance because you do not look clean. By brushing your hair, smelling nice, and wearing appropriate clothes, that will not rob you of who you are as a person. Changing behavior or quality is not a sacrifice of your true self, but an improvement.
Mindfulness techniques like focusing on your breath and your five senses will bring you to the present instead of thinking so much about your unsuccessful date. Use each rejection as an opportunity for improvement and that your behavior is what may be rejected instead of you as a person. By learning something new about yourself after each unsuccessful date, you will know what to do to ensure a successful one.
Located in Centennial, Colorado, Restoration Therapy works with patients who are struggling with addiction, intimacy disorders, and trauma who are seeking treatment. In order to offer patients a more holistic view on healthy sexuality, Restoration Therapy offers individualized and group therapy, workshops, psycho-educational classes, and more to restore the harm brought on by addiction and intimacy issues. For more information, please call us at (720) 446-6585 as we are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.