by Kyle Beard on Thursday, July 2nd, 2015
In our American culture, we teach out children many things, such as reading, writing, riding a bike, manners, and more. Yet one of the most important concepts to living a healthy and happy life is often absent from education, media, and much parenting. The awareness and control of one’s thoughts is frequently overlooked as a foundation for development of a healthy lifestyle and sexuality.
Imagine this scenario: An attractive person walks by. You begin to think about them in a sexual way: what would they look like naked, what’s their sex life like, how would sex with them be different than with your current partner. The initial thought of “they are attractive” is overshadowed by more powerful sexual thoughts. This is often the beginning of an acting out episode for a sex addict. Nothing profoundly sexual occurs in physical reality, but the thought processes become hypersexual in the addicted mind. This battle was lost within the first three seconds when the thoughts go beyond “they are attractive”.
A major challenge of recovery focuses on the risk situations that we each face in our day to day lives. When a sexual thought enters the mind for minutes, then hours, these thoughts are controlling the person. Someone who is learning to take control of their thoughts can say, “No! I’m consciously choosing not to allow my thoughts to go to sexual places.” Such a simple response, taking two or three seconds, stops the snowball before it even begins.
The simple act of stopping one’s mind from wandering down that road, down the metaphorical rabbit hole, is a process that may feel insurmountable. The concept of controlling our own thoughts has often times not been taught as a feasible solution. The fact that we have a choice in our thought process is a profound a concept for those in recovery for sexual addiction. We do not have to be controlled by our thoughts.