by Kevie Simon on Wednesday, October 19th, 2016
I have often heard the joke, “The only two things you don’t talk about in marriage are sex and money.” I have giggled alongside the jokester, but until now never given it much thought. Why don’t we talk about these things? We know that our sexuality and our finances are vitally important, but we avoid the topic at all costs.
Sexuality is a part of every human being from birth. As we develop, our life experiences impact our sexuality and how we view ourselves. For some, sexuality was shamed and discouraged. We were told that being sexual was “bad.” Now in the context of a relationship, we are allowed to be sexual but some of us have no idea how to open this side of ourselves after it has been ‘stuffed’ for so many years.
For others, there was a sexually traumatic event in our past that lead us to believe we are unworthy of connection or healthy touch. There are so many other ways that our sexuality can be suppressed and distorted. Think today on your sexual story. What might be the messages that you are still holding onto? These messages are impacting your relationship today, maybe making it hard to bring up the topic of sex with your partner.
Money. Its necessary to live and survive, but it can easily rule our lives. I believe that we will forever desire more and more money. Think about it: when you get a raise, you are so excited about the possibilities! It will help with bills, build up savings, and maybe allow you to take that vacation you’ve always dreamed of. But after you’ve lived with this raise for awhile, you start to spend more. You eventually begin to wish you had more money. All of the sudden, the raise you desired isn’t enough. You need more. And the cycle never ends.
For some of us, we are workaholics. We find our identity in our work in an unhealthy way. For others, we believe we are not worth spending money on, so we live in a chosen state of poverty. Behind these behaviors are messages that have likely been with us for our entire lives. No wonder these financial messages difficult to discuss, especially with the person you want to love you most – your partner! The good news, these messages don’t have to keep you in fear. By getting to the root, you can change these messages and beliefs and learn to bring your partner into the conversation.
At Restorations, we have the resources to help you begin to talk about sex and money in your marriage. We can help you look at the fears and desires underneath and change the pattern that you have been living in. Our own Chris Simon has just received his CMAT certification (Certified Multiple Addictions Therapist), specifically looking at sex addiction and financial disorders and how they impact each other. You don’t have to live in fear of talking about your sexual and financial needs any longer. Take the first step today in finding help and healing.