Restorations Therapy Blog

How You Can Ruin Your Own Relationship

by on Monday, December 23rd, 2019

You may have your own issues that you need to resolve before you enter into a relationship. You could be projecting your psychological needs onto the other person. It is important that you are aware of your own actions and that you communicate with your partner before your relationship suffers too much damage.

Wanting Something From a Partner That You Can Never Get

You may have a tendency to chase after people who pose as a challenge. It can be that they are already in a relationship, tell you they are not ready to date, or are just not into you. You like to go after people you cannot have so that when you are able to acquire them, it is like acquiring a prize. You feel like you made an effort to get with that person and that you deserve them through your efforts. The problem with that is that once you date them, you may realize you do not care about them like you thought. It just may be a routine and a thrill for you to go after the same kind of person without remembering they do not make you happy in the end. Instead of going after a challenging person, just find someone who will excite you.

Wanting To Fix Someone

Another type you may be going after are people who appear broken to you. You may like the fact that this person comes from a broken home or are struggling with a physical or emotional handicap. By fixing this person, you feel like a hero. Putting someone’s life back together makes you feel good about yourself and makes you feel important. This is not a balanced relationship because then you will always be the giver and they will be the taker. You both should be giving and taking. You do not need to feel like a giver in your relationship. To make yourself feel more useful, you can join volunteering events near you or work in an industry that involves helping people. 

Wanting To Pick a Safe Partner

You may be looking for someone who is just like you. You feel like if you date someone who is the total opposite of you, you will spend all of your time fighting and find no common bond. This wanting could be coming from what you grew up with where you saw your parents marriage crumble because they were too different from each other. You decide to find someone, instead, who is similar to you so that there are no problems. Or you decide to be with someone who has been wanting to go out with you even if you do not like the person back. You just accept them because there are no other offers. It is important to remember that opposites really do attract. It may mean you are more prone to fights, but it can also mean that you learn things from each other. Find a person who can bring out the best in you.

Wanting To Hang On When You Should Let Go

You may be in an unhealthy relationship, but are afraid to break up. It is routine for you to be with this person because you feel it is better than being alone. If you waste all of your time on this person who is wrong for you, you are missing out on opportunities to be with people who will truly be good to you. You can try challenging yourself on being alone by taking some time for yourself for half an hour. Be more comfortable in your own skin before jumping into a relationship. Relationships should be a want and not a need.

Wanting To Focus Only on the Small Annoyances

There are people who have their own personal checklists of what they want in someone. As soon as that person shares an annoyance that you never want in a person, you write them off. It can mean that if you cannot stand people who laugh really loud, you will not want to go out with them again. The truth is that if you let the little annoyances drive you away from them, you could miss out on a great person. A person’s values are the most important things like their personality and what they want out of life. Find a person based on shared values instead of looking more for things you do not want.

Wanting To Look For Trouble

We are led to believe by shows and movies that you are in a true romantic relationship if there is drama. If you feel like things are getting to be too good between you and your partner, it causes you to worry. This could mean that you will try to find things that are wrong in order to create drama. It can be minor things like if your loved one did not call you back. Instead of believing they are busy, you are willing to turn this into an accusation of fowl play. This can scare your partner away from you if you are always assuming the worst. Do not think that it is wrong if things are going well between you and your partner. By realizing your self-sabotaging patterns after you question why each relationship has not been working out, you will know not to repeat these negative behaviors and act out healthier ones for a lasting relationship.

Located in Centennial, Colorado, Restoration Therapy works with patients who are struggling with addiction, intimacy disorders, and trauma who are seeking treatment. In order to offer patients a more holistic view on healthy sexuality, Restoration Therapy offers individualized and group therapy, workshops, psycho-educational classes, and more to restore the harm brought on by addiction and intimacy issues. For more information, please call us at (720) 446-6585 as we are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

About Kyle Beard

Chris Simon founded Restorations Therapy Center to help those struggling with sexual addiction to discover health and wholeness for themselves as well as for their marriage and family. The havoc addiction brings is not compartmentalized to one area of life, but influences marriage, family, work, friendship and more. Chris experienced the turmoil of addiction in his own life. Through his own recovery journey, he strives to help others in the throes of addiction to experience the freedom and joy he lives today. Chris received in Masters of Arts in Clinical Mental Health, working solely with individuals struggling with sexual addiction his entire career. He trained under Dr. Tom Olschner, a psychologist working with sexual addictions for over thirty years, gaining a breadth of experience and knowledge from a renown therapist. A Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) is the only certification in existence for sexual addiction recovery, which Chris has pursued with fervor. You can contact Chris via email at or telephone at (720) 446-6585

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