by Restorations Therapy Center on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019
We live in a technology-centric world. When we have the internet and wifi at our fingertips, we have a tendency to be distracted easily. By weaning ourselves away from technology, we will be able to better recognize our partner right in front of us and learn to cherish what we have in the real world instead of being so focused on what is on our phone.
Being on your phone when you are supposed to be having a romantic night with your partner can really spoil a relationship. It could be possible that you are checking and answering your emails constantly for work and feel like they are too important to pass up. It can really kill the romance if you are trying to get your partner’s attention and they are looking at their phone more than you. The truth is that while it may feel like your job is too precious to let go of, the person in front of you is even more precious. Every moment you have with them should be treasured. A 2014 Pew Research Center did a study that showed one in four people in a relationship or marriage found that their partner was too distracted on their phone in front of them. Many arguments had to do with tech use such as when to use devices and when not to. Technology can also ruin the romance behind a relationship when they would rather sext each other than in-person intimacy.
In order for you and your partner to find that spark again, it is best to set aside times when to use technology. For example, you can make a rule that says the use of electronics are no more after 9pm as well as no technology during meal times. These meal times should be used to socialize with each other and talk about your day. Whatever notifications your phone is telling you can always wait. No electronics means that the phone, television, tablets, laptop, and anything else is completely off. If you are off shift, any phone calls or emails you may receive can wait until the morning. The times you are not using technology should be to connect with your partner.
To avoid being tempted to check your phone, your phone should not have access at these moments. This means putting your phone away in a place where you cannot see such as in a room at the opposite side of the house. Devices should not be in the bedroom as the bedroom is the one room in the house where you and your partner can get some privacy. The bed should be used only for sleeping and intimacy. You cannot connect with each other if you are too busy staring at your phones. Spend this time touching and talking to your partner and looking into each other’s eyes instead.
It is easy to argue with someone through text as you do not see the hurt in their voices or their eyes as well as the tears that fall down from them. It is common to misinterpret what your partner is saying through text messages as you cannot hear their tone. Because you cannot see your partner’s face, it is also easy to say things that you would not have the courage to say to their face, making the message seem more cruel than it actually can be. If the two of you are really in love, you will both have the courage to speak to each other in person instead of using your phone screens as a shield. If there is something important that the two of you need to talk about, only text to tell each other that you would like some special free time to be able to talk to each other uninterrupted and speak in person.
Another thing you should not use text messaging for is when you have serious discussions. The whole point of texting was really just to send quick messages to each other like “I’ll be home late” or “See you at 7.” If you depend on texting to really speak to your partner, you will not be able to say everything that you want to say because there is only so much energy that you have typing out an entire paragraph to your partner through your phone. When it comes to important talks, you should speak to each other. This can be through a phone call if it is so important that you cannot wait to talk until the time you see each other. If you have to send them a text message, just text them that you have something important to tell them later when you meet.
Our technology-centric world has forced us to get rid of writing anything handwritten as it is much more simpler to type a message on a computer or phone. Once in a while, you should write a handwritten letter to your partner and talk about how much your love them. Your partner will see your actual handwriting which will make it personal. A letter gives you the opportunity to let all of your feelings pour out on paper. In order to bring back intimacy into your relationship with your partner, turn your devices off so you will only have good conversation and intimacy exist.
Located in Centennial, Colorado, Restoration Therapy works with patients who are struggling with addiction, intimacy disorders, and trauma who are seeking treatment. In order to offer patients a more holistic view on a healthy sexuality, Restoration Therapy offers individualized and group therapy, workshops, psycho-educational classes, and more to restore the harm brought on by addiction and intimacy issues. For more information, please call us at (720) 446-6585 as we are open Monday through Friday from 8am to 8pm.