by Kyle Beard on Wednesday, September 11th, 2019
Facebook tends to teach us all about a person such as where they went to school, their age, their occupation, and their interests. When in a relationship, it tends to happen where jealousy and aggression come into place when you see your partner looking cozy with someone who is not you and assuming they are cheating on you. It is important not to be so quick to use Facebook as evidence of an affair and to communicate well with your partner about your feelings.
Because Facebook reveals personal information and history, this can cause misunderstanding and distrust. One reason you could be jealous of your partner’s Facebook account is that you may see that your partner is still friends with their ex. You may feel jealous when you see them like their selfies or post comments to them complimenting them on how they look. You could be thinking that there must be something more going on with their exes. It can especially make you suspicious of your partner’s ex reciprocates their compliments. This can lead you to be preoccupied at your partner’s activity on Facebook to see what else they do about their ex’s posts and pictures.
Being jealous of your partner’s activity on Facebook can lead to being aggressive towards them. This could involve you questioning your partner’s motives every time they like or comment on a post. If they tell you that there is nothing to worry about, your aggression could end up taking over. This could lead to more than just arguments but physical fights. This could lead your partner feeling like they are under surveillance all the time and needing to be careful about your Facebook activity.
It is easier to attack your partner online compared to having to confront them in person. Not liking what your partner posts can lead you to post humiliating photos of them as revenge or making rude or threatening comments towards them. You could realize that new technology makes it easier to control or threaten your partner. The behavior will continue if your partner is trying to rationalize your behavior and see it as being caring. The truth is that a caring partner is trusting and confrontational in a way that is not intimidating. Using technology as a way to monitor your partner will cause them to lose their individuality and will always be on edge expecting your reaction whenever anything of theirs is posted.
Being suspicious of your partner’s Facebook activity can lead to cyberstalking. You are constantly refreshing your page to see what else they post or are looking for notifications. This can lead to obsessive behavior like trying to hack into your partner’s social media accounts or even emails. It can even mean trying to control who your partner talks to like unfriending certain people you do not want your partner to talk to. This could be because you realize that you lack self-control in what your partner does and it makes you feel out of place. If you continue cyberstalking your partner, this can lead to the end of a relationship.
Communication is the key to a lasting relationship. Instead of making accusations towards your partner, ask your partner specific questions. If you feel there is something more going on between your partner and their ex on social media, talk to them about why you feel that way. Let your partner speak about how things are between them and their former flame. If they tell you that they are just friends and that there is nothing to worry about, trust them. If there is any behavior that you and your partner do not like about each other online, establish some ground rules. It can be things like talking to others in person instead of responding to your complaints online with them or be careful about any flirtatious banter online.
Instead of looking only at your partner’s Facebook feed, focus on the feeds of others. Go on your home feed and scroll through all of the other feeds that you follow. If you see something that your partner has posted, liked, or commented, just look at it casually instead of overthinking your partner’s activity. If your partner is sending private messages to other Facebook friends, do not assume that it is anything sketchy. Let your partner have conversations of their own just between them like you would with your friends.
You may have spoken to your partner repeatedly about their toxic behavior that is saying that they do not trust you or want you to separate yourself from your friends. If your partner refuses to respect your privacy and will continue to treat you like the bad guy for your innocent posts, you may need to unfriend them from your Facebook account. They will only be able to see public posts that you publish but not posts that are for your friends. This could either be something that you do temporarily or permanently. Maybe unfriending your partner can lead to a talk in which your partner realizes how hurt you were by their behavior in cyberstalking them and feeling like you are under surveillance. By having an open and honest conversation about your partner’s habits on Facebook, the two of you should be able to have a Facebook account without any romantic tension occurring.
Located in Centennial, Colorado, Restoration Therapy works with patients who are struggling with addiction, intimacy disorders, and trauma who are seeking treatment. In order to offer patients a more holistic view on healthy sexuality, Restoration Therapy offers individualized and group therapy, workshops, psycho-educational classes, and more to restore the harm brought on by addiction and intimacy issues. For more information, please call us at (720) 446-6585 as we are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.